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| Tillie & Frank Basta |
I saw Matilda Helen Ritter Basta every now and then in my youth. I knew she was a relative on my mother's side, but I had no idea how we were actually related until I started doing my family tree in the late 1990s. Then, with my grandmother's help, I finally figured it out. Tillie was my first cousin, twice removed. (It also took me a little time to figure out how that whole "removed" thing worked, but that's another story!)
My grandmother Rita's mother, Maria Anna Kostohryz Rosenberger, and Tillie's mother, Cecilia Antionette Kostohryz Ritter, were sisters. They were daughters of Bohemian immigrants Jan Nepom Kostohryz and Kristina Bednar. They had six additional siblings, but only one other sister survived to adulthood. Their remaining siblings all died of once common childhood diseases. The surviving sisters remained close throughout the rest of their lives.
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| Sisters Maria and Cecilia |
Cecilia married a musician named Anthony F. Ritter on April 30, 1924. They had three daughters: Tillie, Elizabeth T. (Libby) Ritter Dennis and Cecilia Mary Ritter Reich. Those three sisters also remained very close throughout their lives.
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| The Ritter Girls |
Tillie married Frank George Basta on 2 May 1945 at St. Wenceslaus Church in Baltimore, Maryland. Being good Catholics, they started building a family right away and had nine children between 1947 and 1964. Tillie was in the hospital having her final son Neil at the same time my mother was in the hospital having her fourth child Mark.
Tillie quickly became one of my favorite members of the extended Kostohryz family after I started researching my family tree. My grandmother knew a great deal about our Bohemian roots, but cousin Tillie knew even more. Plus, through her mother, Tillie gained possession of a number of photos and documents related to our immigrant ancestors. But, not only was she a treasure trove of information, Tillie was always hungry to learn more. She was one of the first people I called whenever I learned something new. She was always delighted to hear about it.
She was also a favorite because she was a genuinely sweet and upbeat woman, despite a number of tragedies and difficulties in her life. She had lost children and grandchildren and continued to care for a special needs child into her senior years. Yet she always seemed to have a smile on her face.
One afternoon, I called her to tell her about some discoveries I made during a visit to the Maryland Archives. She listened excitedly, then she told me about her recent vacation. She said she and her sister Cecilia, and their husbands, took cruises together. Usually, they got the least expensive rooms. This time, however, they decided to splurge and got a room with a balcony. She was really happy that they finally got a balcony. I was happy for her, too.
A couple of days later I got a phone call from my grandmother. Tillie had died. Her death was totally unexpected and a shock to everyone. I felt so bad for her family, of which I was proud to be a distant member.
But what stuck with me most about Tillie was that last phone call and the balcony. Her words proved to be an important life lesson to me. I am a strong believer in work. I am temperamentally inclined to delay my pleasures until I achieve whatever work goals I have in front of me. Now, however, when an opportunity to do something special arises, I always remember Tillie and her balcony. She waited all of those years to get one, and nearly missed the opportunity as a result. Now, whenever I can, I try to book that metaphorical balcony, whatever it may be. After all, I may never get the opportunity again.
That was an amazing phone call. But it didn't end with the talk about the balcony. Oh, no. Cousin Tillie had an astonishing revelation to make. On that final cruise, she had met her brother.
"What brother?" I asked, totally shocked. I knew Tillie had two sisters. I had met them, but I never heard about a brother. She explained.
Tillie was always cheery when discussing her childhood and parents. They were poor, but she always made growing up in downtown East Baltimore sound idyllic. One day she told me how she and her sisters came home from school for lunch to find the man from the utility company turning off their power. She explained how the man kindly left the power on until after they heated up their soup. Yes, Tillie was a glass half full woman. So it wasn't surprising that she never mentioned that her parents had marital problems. That day, however, she told me her father had had a relationship with a woman down the street and they had a son. During this quick conversation, Tillie didn't make it clear whether her parents had divorced, or how long term her father's relationship with the other woman was, but Tillie knew the woman's name and the name of the child.
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| The Wedding of Cecilia Kostohryz & Anthony Ritter |
One night during the cruise, Tillie and her sister Cecilia and their husbands ended up sitting at the captain's table with some other vacationers. They introduced themselves. Tillie was surprised to find that one of the other men was from East Baltimore, too. When he gave his name, Tillie recognized it. She asked him where he grew up. It was the same street. She asked him his mother's name. He told her. His mother was the other woman.
That man sitting at the captain's table was her half-brother she had never met.
"Did you tell him who you were?" I asked.
"No!" she said, horrified at the prospect. She didn't discuss any long term plans, but I got the feeling she would never contact him. However, she was glad she met him. Just in the nick of time, too. I can't help but think that God gave her a little bonus before calling her home.
In the years that followed I have shared this story with some of the genealogically inclined members of that branch of the family. I have been pressed for more details about this mysterious half-brother. Sadly, she didn't give me anymore details than what I shared here. I am told that Tillie and her sister often made scrapbooks about their trips, and wrote down the names of people they met, so it might be possible to find the brother. But would that be the right thing to do?
Tillie's father died in 1935, so the man would be at least eighty-five-years-old today if he were still alive. I think it is possible that this mystery brother might have been raised by another man whom he assumed was his birth father. So, even if you could find him, would you tell him this story? Would you really want to take a chance on disrupting his whole perception of his family and identity?
I was originally only going to write about Tillie and the balcony in this blog. However. the question of how to handle decades old family secrets isn't as theoretical as it once was. With millions of people taking genealogical DNA tests, many families secrets are coming to light. One must be very delicate when dealing with such situations. There are some doors you should knock on very gently before you open them -- if at all.
My last phone call with Tillie gave me a lot to think about, and I am wiser for it.
Rest in peace, cousin, on that big balcony upstairs.
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| My Aunt Helen, Frank Basta, Tillie, Cecilia Reich, my grandmother Rita, Harold Reich |
Click here for more of my genealogical blogs:
My Family: The Murder of Adam G. Robertson
My Family: Uncle Buzzy and The Boys In Company B
My Family: 1st Lieutenant Charles Edward Farber, KIA
My Family: Cousin Tillie's Balcony
My Family: The Public Suicide of Carl "Ernie" Stark
My Family: The Public Suicide of Frank Kostohryz
My Family: Mary Marshall Mirfin, Hero
My Family: Rita Cecilia Rosenberger Protani Pollock
My Family: Vincent Klima and the Spanish Influenza
My Family: A Festival of Fathers
My Family: The Honorable George Farber
My Family: A Celebration of Mothers
My Family: The Mystery of Frank John Murphy
My Family: Kristina Bednar Kostohryz
My Family: Great-Grandmom Assunta's Spaghetti Sauce Recipe
Chapter 15 - Quarter To Midnight
Be sure to check out my novel Chapel Street. It tells the story of a young man straddling the line between sanity and madness while battling a demonic entity that has driven his family members to suicide for generations. It was inspired by an actual haunting my family experienced.
You can buy the Kindle and paperback at Amazon and the Nook, paperback and hardcover at Barnes & Noble.
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 2, The House
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 3, This Is Us
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 4, Arrival
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 5, Methodology
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 6, Clara's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 7, Clara's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 8, My Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 9, My Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 10, My Tale, Pt. 3
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 11, Natalia's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 12, Natalia's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 13, John's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 14, John's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 15, Come Inside!
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 16, Marion's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 17, Marion's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 18, Jeanne's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 19, Jeanne's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 20, Lisa's Tale
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 21, Recap, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 22, Recap, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 23, Recap, Pt. 3
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