My latest album The Struggle is now available streaming everywhere.
The Struggle follows the loose concept of marriage(s) and relationship(s) on the brink. It is strongly reminiscent of my second album Breakup City, but from a more mature viewpoint. It's much easier to break up with a partner when you're in your teens or early twenties. It's much more difficult to end a relationship after you've spent decades together and your lives have been intertwined by bonds of marriage, family, finances and memory.
I was inspired to create this album as a result of problems in my own relationship. For the first twenty years my marriage was nothing short of idyllic. It exceeded my idealistic expectations. However, we hit a rough spot that was supercharged by the traumatic death of our beautiful eight-year-old granddaughter Emma Renee Schwalm. A majority of marriages collapse after the sudden death of a child, and it seemed our marriage was on that path. Fortunately, we managed to right ourselves as a result of prayer, soul-searching, counseling and our deep reserve of love.
Unlike the bulk of my previous albums, the majority of these songs have been recently composed. However, some of the songs date to other relationships where I experienced the same range of emotions. The album does end happily, like my own marriage.
I hope you enjoy the album.
Here are the tracks:
1). NOW EVEN NOW. I wrote this song to my wife during a particularly troubled period to express my continued longing despite our problems. I texted the song to her while she was at the pool with the grandkids. She angrily wrote back: "Why did you send me a song about (Name Withheld)?" That was a real wake-up call for me. That my wife could confuse a song I had written for her with a song I might have written for my elusive farm girl during that breakup was a sign of how far apart we had grown. However, the mistake shouldn't have been surprising. I was experiencing the same sense of hopelessness and longing that I did at that time....
2). MY HEART MY LOVE MY ALL. This song is, in a sense, the mirror opposite of the previous song. This song was initially based on a poem I had written to my elusive farm girl back in the 1990s. However, when I converted it into a song, it became very much about my wife and myself. It's about the helplessness one feels when you want the relationship more than your partner. You can't want it enough for the both of you. It takes two.
3). THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA. This song is not about any of my relationships. A friend of mine expressed her concerns about her marriage and I turned it into this song. I think it is the best song on the album. I believe the lyrics are strong, and it was one of my best Udio executions. If I had access to a studio filled with great session musicians and singers, I don't think I would have come up with anything better.
4). WHEN TWO BECOME ONE. Okay, this song is about sex on the surface level, but it is really about the power of touch. I am a great believer in touch. They say a picture says a thousand words. A simple touch can do the same thing. In all of my relationships, I've discovered that if my partner and I are touching we're still alive and growing. When we stop touching, things grow cold.
5). IMPENETRABLE. Emotions can become overwhelming. With all the hardship coming down on her, my wife was advised to set up firm boundaries, which she tried to turn into an impenetrable wall to protect herself. I believe walling yourself off is a short-term solution at best. Personally, I prefer to go the other way.... For example, expressing my feelings through a bunch of highly personal songs.
6). WALKING THROUGH A MINEFIELD. I doubt that there isn't a married person who can't identify with this song. There's nothing worse than being afraid to speak because you have no idea what will set your spouse off. I really love this song. I think it could be a hit if it were recorded by a country artist.
7). STILL I BELIEVE. Romantically, I am an idealist. I want to believe in my partner. I want to believe in love. That's what this song is about: Continuing to believe despite being in a relationship where the actions don't always match the words. Yes, still I believe.....
8). WHY I LOVE YOU. An old girlfriend of mine once asked me why I loved her. In a moment of self-doubt, she wondered why anyone would give a sh$t about her. I wrote this song in response.
9). I DON'T FEEL THE SAME WAY ANYMORE. This song is based on something my wife told me during one of our down moments. She said she loved me. She forgave me. But she didn't feel the same way anymore. When I played this song for her later, she reassured me that she no longer felt the same way about me that she had felt about me when she said that. Good!
10). THE RISING OF THE SUN. I wanted to write some extremely personal songs for this album and what could be more personal than writing about losing my "innocence," as it were. I thought that moment would be the beginning of even greater emotional intimacy, but instead it proved to be the harbinger of the end of our relationship. This is another one of my favorite songs on the album.
11). YOU'RE GONE NOW. This is the oldest song on the album, harkening back to my breakup with my first girlfriend. Even then, I was still reaching out. I am always willing to stand by commitments I made. I've always had a hard time closing my heart to someone I loved. That's my curse.
12). A LOVER WITHOUT LOVE. With this song, from my elusive farm girl period, I try to answer the question: What's a lover without love to do? I didn't have the answer at the time, but it ultimately proved to be attend swing dances until you find Deborah Crum.
13). DO YOU REMEMBER? One of the difficulties in ending a long term relationship is the reservoir of memories. The good times can linger forever in the heart. That's what this song is about. Another favorite of mine.
14). NOW EVEN NOW (REPRISE). This track is a second take on the opening song from a female perspective with an altered melody and lyrics. It is a more optimistic take. I thought it would make a good album closer, but, as my personal situation improved, I decided to add a few more upbeat songs.
15). CANVAS OF DREAMS. This is an alternate take of the 2nd song from my first album The Elusive Farm Girl. I wrote it the night before our first meeting after a long internet flirtation. I didn't use this take because I thought a male voice worked better in the context of that album. However, I feel the cautious but genuine optimism of this take works wonderfully here.
16). LOVE 2.0. The good thing about marital difficulties is that they can lead to growth and greater intimacy if you survive them. That's what this song is about. I feel my wife and I have both changed for the better.
17). NAKED TIME! I don't have a cure-all for ailing marriages and relationships, but it certainly helps to have a wife who is known to come home after a hard day's work and shout: "It's naked time!" I, for one, find it hard to be grumpy during naked time.
I hope you enjoy the songs and the album. You can listen to it on these and other streaming services:
Amazon MusicMany Sides of Love
Tales of Love and Death
Breakup City
The Elusive Farm Girl
You can buy the Kindle and paperback at Amazon and the Nook, paperback and hardcover at Barnes & Noble.
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 2, The House
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 3, This Is Us
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 4, Arrival
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 5, Methodology
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 6, Clara's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 7, Clara's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 8, My Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 9, My Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 10, My Tale, Pt. 3
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 11, Natalia's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 12, Natalia's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 13, John's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 14, John's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 15, Come Inside!
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 16, Marion's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 17, Marion's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 18, Jeanne's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 19, Jeanne's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 20, Lisa's Tale
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 21, Recap, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 22, Recap, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 23, Recap, Pt. 3
