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| My wife Deb and myself, and Tina and her husband Todd. |
Fellow TouchPoint author and poet Tina Shyver-Plank asked me if I ever wrote any poetry. With some reluctance, I answered yes. She asked if she could read it. I wanted to say no, but instead I foolishly said yes. I told her I would post some in a blog. That was months ago. Here it is. I didn't feel I could put it off any longer.
If you've been reading my blog with any regularity, you will notice that I often post items I wrote many years ago. I've posted college short stories and papers, and even an autobiography I wrote in the fourth grade. That's how desperate I am for content! I've even been wanting to write a blog about the songs I wrote during my wannabe rock'n'roll days for a long time, but I have always been extremely hesitant to post any of my poems. Why? Not necessarily because they're bad, although they are. It's because they were not written for public consumption. They were private communications between myself and one of the women in my life.
Rereading my poems, I noticed a common theme: Confusion. I know I wrote a few short, happy, Moon in June verses to my first girlfriend Kathy while she was away in college. Sadly, I do not remember any of them and I have no copies. They existed only in handwritten letters I sent to her, which have no doubt been relegated to landfill decades ago. Later in life, I only found myself inspired to write poetry when I was uncertain about the status of a relationship. When I was unable or unwilling to ask tough questions of myself or my would-be paramour, I would express myself in the more oblique form of poetry. For some reasons, I never feel inspired write poetry when I feel happy and secure. So if I haven't written a poem about you, take it as a compliment!
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| Yours truly with Kathy |
While I do not have any of my happy Kathy poems, I recently found this long, yet incomplete post-breakup but still hopeful epic. I wrote it at Towson State, where I teach screenwriting now and then, in one of those little blue examination booklets in late May of 1984. Our final break would occur that June. I was in a state of full blown emotional and spiritual collapse at the time I wrote this poem. I would come very to taking my life within a week or two after this was written. (Read about that here: Chapter 15 - Quarter To Midnight)
I am only including a few stanzas. There's only so much forlorn hope and agonized self-pity and bad rhymes I can take. Here it is, in my own handwriting:
Here I am reading the first chapter:
I wrote a large number of poems in the 1990s during my long on again/off again relationship with a certain farm girl, and mother of two, named Andi.
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| Andi and yours truly |
Our five year relationship was fraught with long valleys between periodic mountaintops. Most of my poems were written while the ground gave way on those downhill slopes. Here's a sampling:
DRIFTING
An open heart
like a picnic spread
on a sea of grass
scented by flowers
a simple feast
hoping to tempt
a heart like mine
somebody needing
someone like me
I was ready
then
were you
drifting apart
through a blinding mist
obscuring what seemed
within our power
reaching out
hoping to find
perchance to touch
gentle fingertips
reaching for me
are they gone
where
are you
two needy hearts
seemed bound to beat
in synchronicity
awaiting their hour
will it arrive
tardy but true
with a kiss
and ribbons to bind
you and me
I don't know
now
do you
drifting apart
infrequent hellos
more final goodbyes
from isolated towers
smiles upon seeing
now simple nods
acknowledging
but not knowing
failing to see
is it over
is nothing
left
of you
Trust me, I many more poems along those lines, but that's enough passive aggressive pouting for one sitting. If I were to write a sequel to my memoir, it would coalesce around my relationship with Andi. Wanna hear me read the first chapter?
The next poem was written to a young woman named Cammy. She was a long distance friend I also met on America Online during one of my extended breaks with Andi. Her kindness and compassion was a true godsend around the time of my sister Laurie's death. While there was some flirtation and definite temptation, the circumstances were never right for us to become involved. But I did wonder what if...
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| Cammy, in the red. |
WHAT IF
what if
who's to say
where we both would stand today
what if
who's to know
where the two of us could go
and what the two of us could do
if we knew
what if
what if
who's to care
that fate's hand was so unfair
what if
who's to cry
that we should live and finally die
never tasting what we could give
failing to live
what if
what if
who's to chart
love's long journey through the heart
what if
who's to hear
the words I'd whisper in your ear
words of love I long to speak
of love I seek
what if
what if
my dear sweet Cammy
what if
Speaking of my late sister Laurie, after her unexpected suicide, someone volunteered me to give her eulogy at her funeral. A wrote a little poem as part of my eulogy. Here it is:
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| Laura Lee Murphy Valenti |
EULOGY
When a person thrists
one can dip a cup
into a bucket
and drink
and the thirst is satisfied
and the bucket doesn't care
for there is no hole
no void
what remains fills it
When a person hungers
for an absent love
in a broken heart
in vain
the hunger cannot be met
and the heart does care
for there is a hole
a void
no one else can fill
Here's a little tribute film I made for my sister.
I have not written a poem since I met and married my lovely wife Deborah. I guess it because I don't need the artifice of poetry when I can freely express my love in a more tangible manner.
I hope I never have to write a poem about Debbie!
Here we are getting married:
So there's a taste of my poetry. Thanks for indulging me.
It's kind of funny. When I started this blog, I strenuously avoided revealing anything too personal -- unless it was directly related to the movie business. Even then, I put the cheeriest possible face on everything. Now, my attitude seems to be the more personal, the better.
I like it.
Almost time to start posting my quarterly profit statements on my movies....
More personal musings:
Other early writings:
If you want to put my poetry in the context of my life, check out my memoir The Promise, or the Pros and Cons of Talking with God, published by TouchPoint Press. It is my true story of first faith and first love and how the two became almost fatally intertwined.
Here are some sample chapters of The Promise:
Chapter 7 - Mission Accomplished
Chapter 15 - Quarter To Midnight
Chapter 15 - Quarter To Midnight
My novel Chapel Street is now available! You can buy the Kindle and paperback at Amazon and the Nook, paperback and hardcover at Barnes & Noble. Chapel Street is the tale of a young man battling a demonic entity that has driven members of his family to suicide for generations. It was inspired by an actual haunting.
Read about the true haunting that inspired the novel here:
Let's stay in touch:The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 1, An Introduction
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 2, The House
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 3, This Is Us
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 4, Arrival
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 5, Methodology
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 6, Clara's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 7, Clara's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 8, My Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 9, My Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 10, My Tale, Pt. 3
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 11, Natalia's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 12, Natalia's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 13, John's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 14, John's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 15, Come Inside!
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 16, Marion's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 17, Marion's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 18, Jeanne's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 19, Jeanne's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 20, Lisa's Tale
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 21, Recap, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 22, Recap, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 23, Recap, Pt. 3
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 2, The House
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 3, This Is Us
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 4, Arrival
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 5, Methodology
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 6, Clara's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 7, Clara's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 8, My Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 9, My Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 10, My Tale, Pt. 3
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 11, Natalia's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 12, Natalia's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 13, John's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 14, John's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 15, Come Inside!
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 16, Marion's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 17, Marion's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 18, Jeanne's Tale, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 19, Jeanne's Tale, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 20, Lisa's Tale
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 21, Recap, Pt. 1
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 22, Recap, Pt. 2
The Haunting of 21 St. Helens Avenue, Part 23, Recap, Pt. 3
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