SeanPaulMurphyVille: First Five: Candido

Wednesday, September 20, 2023

First Five: Candido

Yours truly with his favorite mob bookkeeper

I am awfully quick to give advice about screenwriting in this blog. And some people actually accept it. The funny thing is that none of those people have ever read any of my scripts! They might have seen one of my films, but, with a finished film, it is difficult to say who contributed what. Therefore, to help people decide whether my writing advice is any good, I am posting some pages for your pleasure and perusal.

Inspired by the three-page challenges on the Scriptnotes podcast by John August and Craig Mazin, I have decided to post the opening of some of my scripts in a series of blogs. However, rather than three pages, I am going with five pages because I feel that will provide a more accurate appraisal of my writing and the stories. I am not posting the scripts of any of my produced scripts. That would be complicated legally since those scripts now belong to their respective production companies. Nor am I posting any script currently under option for the same reason. These scripts are either new or part of my back catalog. Some are ready to be pitched. Others need a little polishing. But you can read the first five pages now.

This is a sample of my script Candido. The script was inspired by my friend, the late Michelle Proimos. When she lived in Queens, New York, Michelle was the book keeper for a mob-owned restaurant supply company. She noticed that the ledgers never added up correctly. Some of their customers never paid, and that was fine with the owners, who told her to forget about them. However, "the nephews" were sent out to collect when other customers didn't pay in a timely manner. The nephews always returned with the money, usually in cash. That said, everyone was always very nice to her.

Her stories inspired me to this script about an aging mafioso who tries to change his life after falling in love with the recently-divorced manager of a nearby supermarket. Technically speaking, this screenplay was the second story in an intended mafia trilogy centered around my fictional Semenza Family. It is an oddball trilogy because the stories are totally unrelated, but they all take place in the same criminal universe. The only common character would be Pete Ricco, a grandfatherly figure who is deceptively calculating and vicious. Pete would appear as a key supporting character in all three films. I have already featured the first part of the trilogy: Mr. Inside. The third part has been written yet.

Around this time, I stopped writing for market. I was writing to test myself. In this case, I wanted to write a crime film where you didn't hear a gunshot until the third act. In other words, I wanted to sell the story through character only rather than action. I believe I succeeded, although I suspect most people who like mob films want gunshots throughout!

This was the last script I sent to my agent Stu Robinson. He liked the script, but he didn't think it had a shot. He thought it was too serious for the then current marketplace. He was familiar with the upcoming Billy Crystal mob comedy Analyze This and the upcoming series The Sopranos (which he thought would be played more for laughs.) He thought Hollywood was only in the mood for mob comedies.

The legendary casting director/producer Lou Digiaimo, who worked on The Godfather films, requested to read the script. I had a fascinating discussion with him. He really liked the script, but he said it could never get made since the leads were older people. He said the only way Candido could get financed was if Al Pacino agreed to do it. No one else could get it greenlight. I, in my ignorance, disagreed completely with him. To illustrate his point, he told me he optioned a critically-acclaimed off Broadway about four older women that no one would touch -- despite the fact that four Oscar winning actresses were already signed on.

Here's the logline:

A mid-level capo in a Queens crime family, Kenneth "Candido" Provanti, has lived without dreams or hopes since the death of his wife and son in an attack aimed at him two decades earlier. A chance meeting with Angie DeMarco, the newly-divorced manager of the local supermarket, changes everything. Their blossoming love finally gives him the courage to confront his past and pay the price fate demands for his long life of violence. Mr. Kenneth is a love story about second chances set against a dark world of violence and intrigue, where greed and a lust for power blur the line between friends and enemies.

Here are the first five pages:

I hope you enjoyed those first five pages!

You can read the rest of the script on Coverfly here: Candido

First Fives:

My novel Chapel Street is now available! You can buy the Kindle and paperback at Amazon and the Nook, paperback and hardcover at Barnes & Noble. Chapel Street is the tale of a young man battling a demonic entity that has driven members of his family to suicide for generations. It was inspired by an actual haunting.

Learn more about the book, click Here.

Listen to me read some chapters here:

Chapel Street - Prologue - My Mother

Chapel Street - Chapter 1 - RestingPlace.com

Chapel Street - Chapter 2 - Elisabetta

Chapel Street - Chapter 3 - The Upload

Chapel Street - Chapter 4 - The Kobayashi Maru

Read about the true haunting that inspired the novel here: