SeanPaulMurphyVille: First Five: Mr. Inside

Thursday, September 7, 2023

First Five: Mr. Inside

I am awfully quick to give advice about screenwriting in this blog. And some people actually accept it. The funny thing is that none of those people have ever read any of my scripts! They might have seen one of my films, but, with a finished film, it is difficult to say who contributed what. Therefore, to help people decide whether my writing advice is any good, I am posting some pages for your pleasure and perusal.

Inspired by the three-page challenges on the Scriptnotes podcast by John August and Craig Mazin, I have decided to post the opening of some of my scripts in a series of blogs. However, rather than three pages, I am going with five pages because I feel that will provide a more accurate appraisal of my writing and the stories. I am not posting the scripts of any of my produced scripts. That would be complicated legally since those scripts now belong to their respective production companies. Nor am I posting any script currently under option for the same reason. These scripts are either new or part of my back catalog. Some are ready to be pitched. Others need a little polishing. But you can read the first five pages now.

This is a sample of my script Mr. Inside. I became obsessed with the American Mafia after I began studying my Italian roots. Before I go any further, I want to say, to my knowledge, none of my blood relatives were members of the Mafia. That isn't to say that some of them weren't bad boys, but they were independent bad boys. Not organized ones.

At the time, I was reading one true crime book, or mob memoir, after another. I was fascinated by their world and their extremely fluid code of honor. The script actually came into being after a viewing of the Fritz Lang German-language classic M, which made Peter Lorre an international star. In that film, the criminal underworld teams up with the police to catch a child murderer. I had seen the film many times. However, with all of the mob history floating around in my head, I began to wonder what would happen if a serial killer in New York inadvertently murdered the daughter of a mob boss. Mr. Inside is about the young, college educated mob fixer, Joey Provanti, who is given the assignment of working as their liaison to the police to find the killer. It would prove to be a very difficult balancing act.

I sent this script to my agent, the late great Stu Robinson, at Paradigm. He really liked the script and sent it around. I asked him if there was anything I could do to improve it. He said no, then paid me a great compliment. He said, "The only problem with the script is that there is too much action. Anyone can write a car chase. Your strength is characters." Stu was unable to sell the script. It was optioned at one time by a production company out of Chicago, whose name eludes me. (I don't think they currently exist anymore.)

This was the first script in my intended mob trilogy about my fictional Semenza crime family. It is an oddball trilogy because the stories are totally unrelated, but they all take place in the same criminal universe. The only common character would be Pete Ricco, a grandfatherly figure who is deceptively calculating and vicious. Pete would appear as a key supporting character in all three films. (I haven't written the third one yet.)

I pulled the script from the market for a number of years. It was set in the late-1990s. I felt it needed updating, but I didn't think it worked in the present day since the mob is just a shadow of its former self. So instead I recently rewrote it to set it in the late-1970s when the mob was at the peak of its powers in New York City. Now I am ready to let people read the script again.

Here's the logline:

In "Mr. Inside," the police and organized crime form an uneasy alliance after the daughter of a mob boss is murdered by a serial killer stalking the streets of New York City. Joey Provanti, a young, amiable, college-educated mafia fixer, works as the liaison between the two groups. But does he have the skill to balance the interests of both the police and his boss long enough to catch the killer?

Here are the first five pages:

I hope you enjoyed those first five pages!

First Fives:

My novel Chapel Street is now available! You can buy the Kindle and paperback at Amazon and the Nook, paperback and hardcover at Barnes & Noble. Chapel Street is the tale of a young man battling a demonic entity that has driven members of his family to suicide for generations. It was inspired by an actual haunting.

Learn more about the book, click Here.

Listen to me read some chapters here:

Chapel Street - Prologue - My Mother

Chapel Street - Chapter 1 - RestingPlace.com

Chapel Street - Chapter 2 - Elisabetta

Chapel Street - Chapter 3 - The Upload

Chapel Street - Chapter 4 - The Kobayashi Maru

Read about the true haunting that inspired the novel here: